I am so tired of texting. Maybe I am getting old, but more than ever before texting feels to me like a bad habit to resort to when forming relationships and maintaining them.
I have had at least three different incidents with different people lately with whom I now have a strained or even broken relationship because of texting.
When it’s okay to text:
-you’re texting your mom to tell her you’re alive and made your flight
-any international update
-you are texting your co-worker to coordinate a time and place to meet for happy hour
– you are texting your close friends for a quick check in, a funny fact from the day or a joke
-and ok, sexting.
When it’s NOT okay to text:
-the initial phases of dating
-conversations about what you believe in and why
-conversations about whether you want to have kids (yup, have done that!)
-telling a story
-asking for advice of any kind
-resolving already created misunderstandings
– resolving any kind of conflict
-figuring out in which direction your relationship is heading
The bottom line is:
If you’re not ready and willing to say those things to someone’s face, you should never write them in a text.
You should’t be allowed to text, actually. You should be revoked the privilege.
It’s so easy to say things over text, while hiding behind the comfort of our phones. Things you would never in a million years have the balls to say to someone’s face? I have done that.
I have broken up relationships over text (so dumb), I have insulted people, and then begged for forgiveness, I have wasted too much time getting to know people.
I am so done and tired of texting.
As a rule of thumb, you should never rely predominantly on texting to get to know someone. If you are not speaking to them on the phone at least, and not seeing them in person, texting alone is building a relationship made on false assumptions, insinuations and it is absolutely bound to backfire on you.
Example: I was texting with an acquaintance a few days ago: we are joking about stupid stuff, and while I was paying only half way attention because busy with other stuff, I all of a sudden got asked “you take a while to get jokes don’t you? You’re pretty slow uh? Did you go to a school for special kids when you were young?”
I did not find that funny. The person on the other end reassured me that it was just a joke and nothing more than that, and even apologized, but ever since there has been a certain awkwardness going on between us. (I also had refrained from telling him that I did not find his jokes very funny either)
The truth is, if that comment had been made in person, maybe I wouldn’t have thought about it twice, especially since I would have been able to put in context through tone of voice and facial expressions. But the truth is, that joke would have probably never been made in person. Because it is inappropriate.
The point is that texts lack context. They dont’s show the emotion of the person behind them neither the intention. And that’s why they should only be limited to an utilitarian application and not be the pillar of your relationship.
How many times when you were dating someone you have made judgements about their commitment to you based on their answering time, or them writing a good night text, and other stupid things like that which don’t matter AT ALL? “oh, he texted I miss you, so it must mean he cares”
Someone could be an excellent texter but at the same time be super dumb and assholish. Believe me, I’ve experienced it recently.
Or someone could be a bad texter, like my best friend Adam, who has 248 unread SMS on his phone on any given day, forgets to text back all the time, but calls when appropriate to check in and overall cares because he is a great friend. Just not a good texter.
So remember, texting is not an indication of real life AT ALL. In fact, it is not representative in any way.
In conclusion,DO NOT HIDE BEHIND YOUR PHONE. Stop being a pussy. If you care, you need to have a voice conversation. It is cowardly and not helpful in life to rely predominately on text and not push yourself out of your comfort zone to have real conversations. Yes, they can be awkward, but so are human interactions sometimes and such is life.
You just created an awkward/unpleasant situation through texting, now what do you do??
A. keep texting until the issue is solved. Send long texts describing the way you feel so that the other person can really relate and get to the bottom of it. Maybe add a sad face emoji to convey the emotion
B. Just send a laughing emoji and hope the issue gets resolved on its own.
C. Block the person’s number and never contact them again. And hope you never run into them at the grocery store.
D. Pick up the phone and call to have a normal, non-dramatic, conversation to clear the situation up in 5 minutes or less.
D. Pick up the phone and have the balls to have a conversation. If you can’t have a conversation about whatever is happening, you really can’t have a relationship with that person. or anyone else for that matters.
If you answered anything else but D, good luck.